TW: Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault

I’ve been more afraid for my health than possibly ever in my life. It started as what seemed like tennis elbow. Then nerve shit started.

Long story short, my above-mentioned deadlift buddy is a brilliant chiropractor who had a hunch it was a disc herniation on C7 nerve root. My tricep was showing signs of atrophy and had a weak reflex. But also she knew a physically abusive ex routinely put me in violent chokeholds, the worst of which I never fully recovered from. And C7 took the brunt of it.

He (6’5” and almost 300 lbs) grabbed my hair and thrashed my head around violently. For 2 weeks, I could barely flex my spine. I just moved to the States so I had no money, no friends, no resources.

I managed to liberate myself when he lost his gun. But you can’t just recover from that, particularly at the hands of someone you felt loved you. I got a lifelong reminder of the years of abuse that was now threatening my entire way of life.

In August, I was sexually assaulted on a date with a guy I met online. That’s when my neck really took off.

Most people assume it was lifting-related. But lifting is the only thing that has kept me going.

We want to think battered women are weak. Sexually assaulted are stupid. But let me fucking tell you—  we are the toughest bitches on the planet.

Positive vibes? Gratitude? Hah. At best survival and hope for eventual peace. And it is not easy. Especially since the financial impact of liberation usually means no access to healthcare, including therapy. They also lose friends and come from abusive families.

Speak up. Call men out. HELP women who can’t get out. Listen to them so they can somehow feel safe again. Nothing ever feels safe.

I’m happy to say it’s healing. My tricep and grip are returning. So this lift was a big deal to me.

I know this isn’t the shit-talking memeing you guys are used to, but you NEED to know this is happening all around you. And it’s STILL happening to me in my body every day. And ya know, no one really wants to hear about it. But it’s time to speak the fuck up. I AM here and I’m not going fucking anywhere.